When I asked Mandy to write about her boudoir shoot experience with us, she quickly responded with a resounding “YOU BET”. As I read her story, it brought tears to my eyes. Mandy's journey of self-discovery through connecting to her body through art has been incredibly transformative. Here is her own account of the experience:
I used to despise the way I looked in the mirror and most photos. The idea of signing up for a boudoir shoot was nothing short of crazy. It was supposed to be a gift to myself in celebration of turning 35 and making it through my first year sober from alcohol. Over the years, I began to lose my spark, femininity, and confidence. I found myself filled with immediate doubt. What had I been thinking when I scheduled a boudoir shoot in front of strangers, no less? I didn't consider myself a sexy person and had little knowledge about what looked sexy on me. I had only worn lingerie a few times; that belonged with the Victoria's Secret models, not me. Seeking support from my closest friend, I was met with shock and admiration. "You're doing what? You're so brave. I could never do that," my friend exclaimed. As I heard those words, an echo of anxiety reverberated within me. Why could they never do that? Why not? My friends were undeniably stunning, yet I couldn't convince them otherwise. Was that how I viewed myself too, doubting rather than loving? If I could uplift my friends, why couldn't I uplift myself?
In a world that makes it easy for women to focus on their imperfections, to hone in on their flaws through the images presented to us on billboards, the internet, and TV, I realized that I didn't need to aspire to be that girl on the screen. But perhaps I could try to be the best version of myself. Preparing for the boudoir shoot, I meticulously checked off all the things on my list to buy and to do in order to transform into a better version of myself. Nails and toes done – check. Brazilian wax experience – check. However, nothing quite prepared me for the anxiety and terror at the thought of wearing lingerie (or less) for people other than my husband to see, but I pushed through, determined to embrace this unfamiliar territory.
As the day of the boudoir shoot arrived, I nervously made my way to the studio in my baggie pants and an oversized sweatshirt. Walking into the studio, I was immediately greeted by Kaydee and her team with such excitement. I tried to put on a brave face as I laid out my outfits for the day, all the while engaging in conversations with Kaydee and Katrina – we clicked immediately, but that didn’t completely squash my nerves and anxiety. "I'm so out of my element," I thought to myself. "I'm not sexy. What if I don't like the pictures after all?" These fears swirled in my mind as I was whisked into the hair and makeup chair.
Katrina asked me what look I was going for that day. I hesitated, not being well-versed in makeup and usually opting for casual over any kind of glamorous look, so I shrugged, unsure of how to respond. Katrina then asked, "Do you like curls?" A smile involuntarily formed on my face. I loved it when my hair was curled. In that moment, as my hair and makeup transformation began, I started to feel a glimmer of excitement. The fluorescent lights in the room seemed less harsh, and for the first time, I began to feel a sense of ease.
As I sat getting pampered, Kaydee, Katrina, and I engaged in lively conversation about life, work, music, and photography. I even mustered up the courage to make a joke about being "half-naked" in front of this group of strangers – and to my surprise, they laughed. It was in that moment that I began to feel a shift within me. Maybe, just maybe, I could do this. I began to open up, sharing stories and anecdotes with this team who had made me feel at ease. The nerves that had gripped me earlier started to dissipate, replaced by a newfound sense of confidence.
As I looked at myself in the mirror, my hair now styled in beautiful curls and my makeup enhancing my features, I saw a version of myself that felt unfamiliar yet exciting. The self-doubts that had plagued me seemed to quiet down, allowing a sense of empowerment to take their place. Could I really pull this off? Could I truly embrace this side of myself that I had kept hidden for so long? In that moment, surrounded by supportive and encouraging voices, I made a silent vow to myself – to step into this experience with an open heart and a willingness to see myself in a new light. As my confidence grew, I gave Kaydee permission to take the reins to help me see myself in a new light.
The moment arrived for me to step in front of the camera. As I posed and moved, I felt an inner shift occurring. With each click of the camera, I felt more at ease, more in tune with my body and its curves. Kaydee coached me through each pose, guiding me with gentle encouragement and genuine positivity. "You look amazing!" she exclaimed after each shot, and slowly but surely, I began to believe it.
In between outfit changes and adjustments to my hair and makeup, I found myself laughing and enjoying the process. The initial feelings of self-consciousness faded away, replaced by a sense of liberation and self-acceptance. I started to see myself not as a collection of flaws to be hidden, but as a woman with unique beauty and strength to be celebrated.
As the shoot came to an end, I felt a mix of emotions – pride, relief, and a newfound sense of confidence. I couldn't wait to see the final photos, to witness this version of myself that I had uncovered during the session. Walking out of the studio, I felt lighter, as if a weight had been lifted off my shoulders.
In only a few hours, I received the edited photos from Kaydee, and I was blown away. I saw a woman who exuded confidence, sensuality, and a genuine joy for life. Was that ME? Were those MY photos? It was! WHOA! I saw myself in a new light – not as a work in progress, but as a beautifully imperfect masterpiece.
The boudoir shoot had been a transformative experience in terms of self-image. It had taught me that beauty comes in all shapes, sizes, and forms – and that true beauty lies in embracing and loving ourselves exactly as we are.
Looking back on that day, I realized that the boudoir shoot was not just about taking captivating photos or trying a new experience. It was about stepping out of my comfort zone, confronting my insecurities, and ultimately embracing my own worth and beauty. It was a journey of self-discovery – one that I will carry with me for the rest of my days.
And as I reflect on the woman who walked into that studio, unsure and hesitant, I am filled with gratitude for the journey that led me to that moment of empowerment and self-acceptance. The boudoir shoot had not only captured my external beauty but had also illuminated the inner strength and resilience that had always been a part of me. And for that, I will forever be grateful.
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